White Noise

Just once, I'd like to see a ghost movie that doesn't treat spirits like they’re a bunch of idiots. Really, if you were a ghost on the "other side" who was able to communicate with humans, move objects around, and do other cool, spooky things, wouldn't you just pick up a pencil, write everything down, and be done with it? Instead, in most of these movies, the ghosts are limited to slamming doors and rattling chains -- or, in the utterly lame-brained 'White Noise,' reduced to speaking in monosyllables via the static on a boombox. Talk about an ineffectual way of communicating from beyond the grave.

Not that such questions should really be any concern in 'White Noise,' a pedestrian thriller that’s more concerned with mawkish sentimentality than in seriously exploring the paranormal. Like similar "supernatural weepies" such as 'Ghost,' 'Premonition' and 'What Dreams May Come,' the film uses a gimmicky premise not to tell a credible tale, but to reassure us that, yes, there is an afterlife, and that even the insipid characters in these movies have a higher purpose. Throw in another bunch of ineffectual ghosts who can't do more than throw temper tantrums on the TV, and 'White Noise' is a movie that desperately wants to be the next 'Poltergeist,' but forgot to include a coherent story and actual scares.

The "gimmick" of 'White Noise' is E.V.P., or Electronic Voice Phenomenon, which paranormal believers interpret as evidence that the undead are trying to communicate to us through the static on our TV screens and radios. Apparently, the "frequencies" ghosts use to speak are embedded in the wavelengths of everyday white noise sources, so if you record them (even using something as ordinary as a Radio Shack tape deck) and play it back with just a bit of a volume boost, you too can hear these voices from beyond.

As 'White Noise' begins, Jonathan Rivers (Michael Keaton) doesn't believe in any of this E.V.P. hokum. That is, until his wife, famous novelist Anna Rivers (Chandra West) dies under mysterious circumstances, and he begins to receive messages from her from beyond the grave. Descending into the subculture of fellow E.V.P. enthusiasts, he meets a widow, Sarah Tate (Deborah Kerr Unger), who joins Jonathan in his obsessive attempts to uncover the truths beyond their respective spouses' deaths.

At this point, it seems 'White Noise' will play like a 'Ghost'-lite, with Keaton as a spear-side Demi Moore learning to overcome his grief thanks to the miracle of E.V.P. Unfortunately, the script by Niall Johnson isn't content to just rip off one movie, and instead completely flies off the rails in the second half, as Anna begins to psychically "guide" Jonathan to the scenes of impending crimes, turning him into a big-screen version of Patricia Arquette in TV’s "Medium." Throw in a band of "evil" ghosts, a series of poorly-executed action-rescue scenes, and even a third-act detour into torture porn(!), and you have one muddled mess of a supernatural thriller.

Perhaps if all of this had been staged with some suspense and flair, I could have thrown disbelief to the wind and bought the script's more hackneyed contrivances. Unfortunately, director Geoffrey Sax's admittedly slick visual style is all surfaces. He makes a brave attempt to pump up the dull material with lots of arty motifs (repeated dissolves of static into water etc.), but it only underscores the flimsiness of the story. On top of that, for a supernatural thriller, 'White Noise' is just plain boring. The endless shots of Keaton staring (and staring...and staring...) at static-filled TV screens possess not one iota of suspense, and even the film’s cheap "Boo!" scares fail to deliver any jolts. Add to that a listless performance by the usually fine Keaton, and you have a film that's dramatically and visually inert.

Sadly, even for die-hard fans of ghost stories and the true believers of the supernatural, there is little in 'White Noise’ that’s worth recommending. Even with a debatable phenomenon like E.V.P., the film plays fast and loose with the facts. It also throws psychic phenomenon, ESP, telekinesis, and fortune telling into the mix, ultimately making the film feel like one big cheat. Although even the greatest genre films (from 'The Exorcist' to 'Rosemary's Baby') have their fair share of credibility issues, they manage to suspend our disbelief by creating their own internal logic. 'White Noise' doesn't work on the level of the paranormal, it doesn't work on the level of a good thriller, and it doesn't work on the level of a supernatural romance. It just plain doesn't work.